Boys Wing Tip Shoes

Context: A girl called Ara and the narrator, a boy called Seth, are sitting on a dragon's back.

I watched as Ara leaned forward to speak to the dragon. ‘Whenever you’re ready.’
The dragon growled and straightened up. It spread its wings out wide and then brought them down hard. I cried out in pain as my balls slammed against its back. Everything lurched violently, blurring and curving. One minute we were barely off the ground, the next the whole Court had dropped away beneath us.
It was like a roller coaster ride, only higher, faster and worse. Pure terror gripped my insides as we soared upwards, spiralling around the tower and into the air. I bit my lip hard to stop myself screaming.
‘Oh, come on!’ Ara laughed. ‘Don’t be a baby!’
‘If we fall we’re going to die!’ I shouted.
I squeezed my eyes shut to block out the sight of the Court shrinking beneath us, then opened them again because I was too afraid to not know what was going on.
‘But this is fun!’ Ara said. She beamed and leaned in toward the dragon. ‘Let’s fly around for a bit!’
‘No!’ I cried. ‘Let’s not! Just land! Please, just – Aaaaaa!’
The dragon had folded its wings and dropped into a steep nosedive toward the Hunting Ground. I could only stare in horror as we shot toward the earth. We skimmed the very tip of the open field’s grass, scattering a group of gossiping girls and overtaking a brownie as it ran for the safety of the trees. The back of my blazer flapped madly behind me. We sped up and the grass blurred, melting into a smooth stream of green. Then we rose once more, higher and higher, to the very end of the Hunting Ground and over the trees of the Wood of Many Ways.
‘Don’t make that face!’ Ara shouted over the wind. ‘You should be having fun! We’re riding a dragon, this is every kid’s dream!’
I just gaped at her. In my stomach there was nothing but dread and nausea. The floor – everything – was so far away, and I would have given anything to be back on my feet.
But gradually the feeling changed. I had never been so high up, or breathed such clean air, or worried about the fact that my shoes could go twirling away and I might never find them.
My fear faded away and I felt awe, exhilaration, as the crisp autumn wind shook my shirt and trousers and swept across my whole body. I breathed in the cool air, let it wash across my skin. We should have long since fallen off and yet we hadn’t. I realized that I was laughing at the top of my voice.
I looked up. High overhead, a stretch of dreary clouds bulged and ruptured. Sunlight spilled over our heads like molten gold, pouring across the trees, the field and the many buildings behind us. The dragon titled its wings and we curled in the air, doubling back to face Alice Tower, our clothes glowing. We returned over the trees and rose slowly, gently, until we landed on a platform cut out of the tower’s roof.
When I’d hopped off I staggered away. My insides swirled and my legs were jelly. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt so good.
I probably never had.
‘Did you enjoy that?’ Ara asked, smirking. Her green and blue eyes glowed like jewels and the edges of her blonde hair were ablaze in the sunlight. Her cheeks were flushed and she didn’t look anything like the girl who’d shrugged me off in the car on the way here.
‘I...’ Several words got caught in my throat at the same time. I had no idea which to force up first, and so I blurted the only thing I could manage. ‘That was awesome!’

That is quite good. The only thing I can see is to watch out for "ing" verbs and try to replace them with "ed" when possible. For example:

"We skimmed the very tip of the open field’s grass, scattering a group of gossiping girls and overtaking a brownie as it ran for the safety of the trees. :

You use both an "ing" verb and an "ed" verb in the same sentence. That's a big "no-no." Stick with one tense per sentence.The addition of "ing" often leads to passive tenses and using "had" or "were," which will drag the action out of your words. The above mentioned sentence could be (just an example):

"We skimmed the very tip of the open field’s grass. A group of girls scattered from their usual gossip as we overtook a brownie that ran for the safety of the trees. "

Perhaps cut down on the use of "and" by making more full sentences. That will not only clarify and solidify your sentences, it really will boost your word count. Think of "and" as something used for summary. It's just fine in moderation, but too much gives sort of a "cliff notes" feel.

Aside from minor things, it's very good.

2010-09-07 08:11:32 by Taleweaver

Henry Lee Summer 1988 Live Daytona Beach. Musicians Rick Benick (guitar), Mark Rohrman (bass), Michael Organ (drummer), Michael Read (keyboards ...

Hi,
Please Help Me,
I've Wrote A Bit About The Forest During The Day But I Cant Really Think Of Anything To SAY!

During the daylight hours, though the forest was still dark, as the sunlight only filtered through the top branches, the surroundings and scenery seemed entirely different. During the day I’m surrounded nature. All sorts of flowers climb over my shoes and a few squirrels clamber up and down the maple trees. I can hear the fluttering of the wings of birds that fly along the tops of the towering trees above me and feel the cool, light breeze stroke the edges of my face.

The boy i need to describe is tanned, long brown hair, bright blue eyes etc, PLEASE HELP.! I REALLY NEED SOME TIPS\!

You just described the boy. How old is this boy?
How tall is he. Is he thin, stocky, plump? Does he have a few band-aids on his arm like badges of courage? Perhaps he has a scrape or two. Is his clothes clean and
pressed or worn and a little wrinkled. Is he wearing new
tennis shoes or scuffed up shoes? What color are the
shoes? Perhaps this shoes have taken him on all kinds of
adventures. Just use adjectives to help you describe him
but do not go over board and use too many adjectives.

2008-11-27 08:00:41 by Lol, Billie Gadington

Price: $75.00 $69.95